Conspiracy Theorist or Cartesian Skeptic?

1. I think therefore I am. That is all I know for certain.

2. Everything else is just my perception of the world, not necessarily reality.

3. Anything I perceive can be a lie, including AV recordings I do not like.

4. I will never know for certain what is true. I can only hold theories. I can also make signs.

5. No matter what evidence I see that Trump lost the election, I must remember that reality itself could be an illusion conjured by a demon holding my mind hostage. There is no reason this demon couldn’t be named The Clintons.

6. The Clintons could also be raiding The Capitol and no one is talking about that.

7. People who refuse to think independently like me are too dumb or too afraid to grapple with the nature of uncertainty. Saying otherwise would be lying to this section of the Thanksgiving table.

8. My daughter might be crying because she’s secretly Antifa.

9. The point of reflecting on my limits of understanding isn’t to go around acting like any theory is equally likely, but instead to recognize that I only have probabilistic theories to describe the world. I will honestly question my own theories and update them as I learn, always being humble about my fallibility.

10. Joe Biden is a Cannibal.

Answer Key:
Both: 1-8
Cartesian Skeptic: 9
Conspiracy Theorist: 10